


A Long Road to Recovery

by APeart



Category: The Haunting of Hill House (TV 2018), The Haunting of Hill House - Shirley Jackson
Genre: Brothers, Drama, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff, Horror, Pain, Recovery, Sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-09-21 04:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17036858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/APeart/pseuds/APeart
Summary: Luke Crain has just been discharged from the hospital. The Crain siblings have all gone their separate ways again, but they're still there for their little brother, and they'll take all the time he needs to get him back on the road.





	1. The House of Steven Crain

_“Sometimes we remember a memory in a wholly fictitious way. It’s called ‘choice memory’ and it’s something humans use as a safety mechanism in times of stress or extreme danger. Sometimes, years later we recall the true memories and our mind lets go of the stories. Other times, our minds twist those memories into such stories that we don’t know where our own life ends, and our lies begin. The luckiest of us simply forget these tragic events entirely, they fall asleep one night and wake up with a clear mind in the morning. However, most of us have an imagination so vivid that we can take those memories and manifest them into physical images. Hallucinations. That’s when we lose ourselves most.”_

“Did you say something?” The sound of muttering and tapping of keys were cut off by the gentle voice of Steve Crain’s wife. Steve had planted himself on the leather sofa at nine that morning, and he hadn’t looked up since. Now the clock was about to strike six in the evening, and Steve didn’t have an explanation for where the time had gone.

He had nearly lost his brother, maybe he had, Shirley hadn’t yet called him to say that Luke had been discharged into her care yet. He had lost his youngest sister, that was certain. His mother - she had lost herself long before the Crain family had lost her. And Steve’s father? Hugh hadn’t been himself since he had walked back into his children’s lives. The house claimed its victims one by one, and Steve would count the days until it took him. Hill House could have been a demolition site, but it would always be a twisted memory in his mind. For now, however, Steve realised he had been staring at the words on his screen ever since Leigh had spoken. Without having replied, Leigh Crain had only found the ticking of the clock in their living room for company. She was stood over him at the arm of the sofa, a white china mug of green tea in her hand and a concerned expression on her face. Steve finally blinked at her before he registered the tea.

“Oh,” he mumbled before sliding the laptop off his knees and closing the lid. “You didn’t have to make me anything.” Leigh’s face had twisted, and that little wrinkle had appeared between her eyebrows. By the time Steve had placed his laptop on the sofa beside him and noticed her face it was too late, the mug was being handed down to him.

“You asked me to make you tea an hour ago….” A cold hand came to rest upon his forehead and Steve looked up with only a movement of his eyes. “Steve, are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine.” The flippant comment had already been ignored as Leigh set the tea down on the wooden coffee table in front of him.

“Don’t lie to me. We’ve been married far too long for me to believe any of it.” She had a point, but then again, Steve didn’t quite know if he was okay. Of course, there was no point in lying, but he also couldn’t lie to himself and pretend that he had another answer. In five hours, a plane would touch down in John Wayne Airport, and Luke Crain would step back onto California soil. There, he would take the car that Steve had paid for, only to turn up at the front door to the very house Steve was currently sitting in. It had been an agreement between Theo, Shirley, and himself. They would each take Luke for a month, settle him down, and keep an eye out in case of a relapse. Steve would start first, as the eldest and the one with the home furthest away, then Shirley would take him, and lastly Theo had offered to put Luke up in a hotel for a month, if he was ready.

The siblings had fought over it all, and Steve could still hear Shirley snapping at him for coming to his brother’s defence. _‘He’s an addict’,_ she had yelled at him, and Steve had found the courage to simply shout a single word back at her.

_‘Recovering’_

They didn’t need arguments right now, they only needed each other. And that was just what Steve needed right now with his wife. Peace. So, as he sat with Leigh looking down at him in concern, her hand still feeling for the temperature of his forehead, Steve decided that he ought to accept the green tea and the comfort. His own hand reached up and he took hers in his own. With a small movement, he had pressed his lips to the back of her hand and inhaled. The kiss was cold, though her hands were warm. The perfect warmth. The same warmth he had remembered coursing through his veins the moment Leigh had been declared Mrs Crain. The warmth of the first summer holiday they had taken in their twenties. And the warmth of the heating she had always set in the winter whenever her thick socks and blanket had failed her. Steve had married the love of his life and he had nearly thrown it away because of a memory. A memory that had twisted into a vine of stories and become a forest of nightmares.

“I’m fine now.” The words were quietly whispered against the back of his wife’s hand as he let her go, and Leigh decided not to push the matter anymore. She nodded twice and took her hand back. Sometimes it was easier to let things go, now especially. So, that’s what Leigh had done. Leaving Steve with the tea, she had shuffled over in her slippers to the open plan kitchen to fetch herself a can of Diet Coke.

The radio was the next sound that Steve heard, though his mind could barely make out the sounds of vague chatter between radio DJs as Leigh cracked open her can. He blindly reached for the tea in front of him and closed his eyes, so he could melt back into the sofa. “Have you slept at all?” Leigh asked, not looking up from where she had started to take salad ingredients out of their fridge. Steve simply hummed in answer, and Leigh continued her preparations as she spoke. “Because I know what you’ll be like if you don’t at least get an hour in before Luke comes. You’ve been up since seven.” The faint sounds of a knife slicing through cucumber on a chopping board took Steve’s attention from where he had been letting the white noise of the radio wash over him. His eyes were still closed, and his mind was a blur, but his wife’s voice was a crisp sound through it all. He didn’t answer the question, hoping it would be clear that through his tiredness now, that he had barely made five hours the night before. After another minute of silence, Leigh let the radio play on and the first few notes of a Wham echoed around the space between them. There would be no answer from her husband, and at this rate he would spill the tea on the sofa too if he wasn’t careful. Steve had nearly fallen asleep, just listening to the chopping of vegetables and the washing of salad leaves. However, as he dozed off, her felt the warmth of the mug leave his hand as Leigh took his tea from his lap. “Bed.” She told him gently, and Steve found himself opening his eyes to see a blonde-haired woman smiling sadly at him. Leigh wasn’t to be argued with, especially not while holding a hot mug of green tea.

“I’m going.” A quiet promise, but a promise, nonetheless. Leigh was seemingly satisfied by his answer and had stepped back after placing the tea on the coffee table again. Steve pushed himself up with the use of the arm of the sofa, his joins screaming out as he felt his back click into place as he straightened. The clock on the wall read twenty past seven, three and a half hours until Luke would touch down. The drive would be only forty minutes at this time of night, which didn’t leave Steve much time if he truly wanted to sleep, shower, and get the guest room ready. Leigh had been at work all day, and it had been Steve’s job to prepare everything, however it had also been Steve’s job to write a full chapter today but all he had managed was a page totalling one hundred and sixty words. One hundred and sixty words that constantly changed but never grew in number. Whatever was going through his mind was clear on his face, and Leigh had already noticed the difference to his usual self. She let out another sigh before she held out her hand for him. This time there was a gentle smile across her lips, and Steve accepted her hand with his own faint hint of a turn of his lips. Steve knew no limits to her kindness, and in moments like this, he wondered how a woman with a nine to five job could still look after him twenty-four-seven. Since his return home, his mind had been awash of clouded thoughts and unfinished paragraphs. Leigh had been there for every half-written chapter, for every rewrite, and every draft. She had been there for the week where he hadn’t left his bed, and the night he had broken down after the call from his publisher. She had pulled him right back to humanity and taken his thoughts as far away from Hill House as possible. Though she could never undo the damage the house had done, she was stitching up each cut at a time. He was grateful for everything Leigh had done for him, so as she led him up towards the stairs that would take him to bed, he found the crease at the corners of his lips turning into a true smile. He caught his reflection in the framed photo of Leigh and himself hung on the wall by the stairs. The bags under his eyes were dark, and his hair hadn’t seen a comb in more than a few days, yet somehow his wife still loved him. She still kissed him despite his dry lips, and she still fell asleep beside him despite of the aversion to water that he had found himself with recently.

The stairs creaked and complained under every footstep Steve took, but still Leigh led him onward. The bedroom door, though only the second one on the right, felt like a marathon to reach. By the time Leigh had placed a hand on the door knob, Steve was already planning just which of his wife’s bubble baths he would borrow after his nap. Before Luke arrived, he would need to clean up, and with the way Steve looked it was easy to say that his legs wouldn’t have supported him in a shower longer than a few seconds. He had simply blinked after climbing the final stair, and he had been in the bedroom with his wife shutting the door behind herself. How he had gotten here, he didn’t recall, but the queen-sized bed in the middle of the wall was the only thing his mind could think of. Walking down the hallway wasn’t a memory his mind decided that he needed, not when he was unaware that his wife was peeling off his shirt, so he could get into bed. With a gentle tap to the elbow, Steve had raised his arms and Leigh and taken his t-shirt off and tossed it into the washing basket with his cardigan. He was only dressed in lounge pants, and frankly that didn’t bother him anymore. Another few steps and he had reached the bed. The wooden frame had hit his shins before he had been swallowed up by the duvet. The memories were scattered, and large gaps of the process were missing - but in this moment all he needed was the sleep.

With his head hitting the pillow, Steve’s last thought was simply the wonder of how he might make it through the next month playing the big brother that Luke had so sorely needed for the last few years. The big brother who had been missing since the death of their mother.

 

The smell of coffee hadn’t been the thing to wake Steve up, nor had it been the sound of a shower running down the hall. Four hours after he had fallen asleep in his fully lit bedroom, Steve Crain had awoken to his brother whispering a swear word under his breath. Steve had grumbled something in his sleep-in reply before realising that he was not in Hill House, nor was Luke the height of a chair anymore. There was no reason for Luke’s voice to be waking him up, yet here he was. All at once, Steve’s dream of a family home had been forgotten, and his eyes had opened in alarm.

In front of him, the bedroom door had been left ajar. The smallest sight of an oversized beige jacket had caught his eye, and the next thing Steve knew he was pulling the quilted blanket off him and climbing out of bed. His black t-shirt was taken out of the wash and pulled over his head. Then a few large steps took him to his bedroom door, and there he reached for the doorknob and opened his door in one fluid movement.

Luke was just the way he had remembered him. Tall physically, but small in every other way. The man had found a way to look five foot while standing at nearly two meters. Though his hair was cleanly washed, the small scabbed over cuts on his scalp hadn’t yet healed enough to allow hair to regrow in certain spots. Leigh had obviously given him a few things, since his stubble was now gone, and the clean Crain jawline that Steve remembered about his father was plain as day in Luke. The brothers looked at one another, and Steve noticed the glass on the floor around Luke’s right foot. In his brother’s rough hands sat a picture frame, the glass cracked and missing, and the black outer splintered. Luke had swallowed guiltily as he watched Steve’s eyes move down to inspect the damage.

“I’m-” Before the rest of the apology could leave Luke’s lips, Steve had shaken his head.

“It’s fine, Leigh’s mom gave us that and I never much liked the photo.” It wasn’t strictly a lie, and Leigh’s mother had given them the photo of his wedding day, but during times of writer’s block Steve had often found himself sitting on the bed staring through the open doorway at that picture hanging on the wall. Now that picture and its frame lay in pieces in Luke’s hands, and there was nothing Steve could do about it. He forced a smile for the sake of his brother and held out a hand. Luke passed over the pieces with another stuttered apology, but Steve shook his head once again. “Like I said,” he explained. “It’s fine.” A grateful look passed through Luke’s eyes as he nodded, and for a moment the two men stood in silence as Steve placed the picture frame on top of the chest of drawers just in the doorway of his bedroom. Luke had gotten smaller when he turned back, but there was still a tiny look of gratuity in his face. Steve would always be there to look after him, and it was something he would need to relearn.  However, for now it would be baby steps and that would be fine too.

A small hand was placed on Luke’s back, and Steve took his chance to gently lead his brother towards the kitchen, patting him once on the shoulder.

“How about I show you where the coffee supplies are, hey? We’ll go get everything set up together.”  A quiet nod of acceptance passed from one brother to the other, before Luke found himself following the path down the hallway towards the stairs. For a brief second, a smile hinted at the corner of his lips.

“It’s one in the morning, Steve.”

“Are you complaining?”


	2. Privacy

Leigh had heard the gentle footsteps descending the stairs before she had seen them. For such large men, it amazed her how silently both could walk through a house. Just another characteristic of growing up in Hill House, and something that Leigh would never question.

By the time the pair had reached the kitchen, Leigh had forgotten the question on her mind about the vague smashing sound she had heard ten minutes previous. She had also forgotten that she had started running the boiling water tap. Her mind had been so caught up in her thoughts, that she had simply turned on the tap and let the water run into the large white sink, so it could heat up. The water had been running long enough to scold anyone who might have put their hand below it, but Leigh’s mind was focused on the branches of a Valley Oak tree dancing in the breeze outside her kitchen window. Despite it being one in the morning, the street outside the window was lit up with the warm lights of lamps on each corner. The large park in front of her house was still sent chills down her spine, but there was something beautiful about watching it while inside the comfort of your own home. In the distance, Leigh faintly heard someone speak, but the words were lost to the wind she could hear gently whistling through the tiny gap in the kitchen window. The tap was still running into the sink in front of her, keeping the cold ticking of the clock at bay. She was at peace for a moment, trapped in her own thoughts as she gazed out of the window. It was rare that in a house with Steven Crain, that Leigh could manage to find any peace. Silence was in abundance, but that never came hand in hand with peace. Peace came handed to her in little moments during her work day: each time she sat at her desk and knew there was nothing left on her to do list, the sound of an old classic coming on the radio in her car on the way home, and the text she would find herself with at the end of a day when Steve had finished writing a chapter early and taken to making dinner. Those were her favourite moments of any given moment in her life. That one text from her husband. Four characters, ‘ _ETA?_ ’ meant a world of difference to the couple, and yet anyone else could have read the text and simply been completely unimpressed by the lack of conversation. ‘ _ETA?’_ meant that Steve had stopped his work and she had been the next thought on his mind. It meant she would come home to a smile. Most of all, it meant that Leigh Crain would have a husband at home and not a tired child to look after.

               The cold sound of a window frame hitting wood woke Leigh up from her moment of silence. The whistling that came with the rush of cold air had stopped, and Leigh blinked.  Beside her stood Steve, looking in concern as he reached over and turned off the faucet that was still letting boiling water run into the sink. The glass of the kitchen window had long since fogged up, yet somehow Leigh hadn’t noticed. She was vaguely aware that Luke was sat quietly on the sofa in her living room, but his presence hadn’t been enough to indent upon her conscious mind.

“Awake?” The word was short but coming from her husband it was enough to rouse her from her quiet state of mind. When she turned to look at Steve, she found a glimmer of an amused smile across her husband’s lips. At least someone could find the silver lining to the cloud that had been the past few months. Of course, she had assumed right when she had thought the light look in her husband’s face had been for his brother’s sake, but she appreciated it, nonetheless. It had been enough to remind her that she ought to be doing the same, for Luke’s sake.

A quiet nod from wife to husband signalled for Steve to turn his attention back to his brother, and Steve promptly returned the nod, so he could agree. Leigh had nearly whispered to him that she was fine, however when he had turned, she had caught a flash of red from the corner of her eye. It had been sheer luck that she had looked down at the floor and seen it. Blood on the tiles. By the looks of things Steve hadn’t noticed it yet, but all it took was a simple turn of Leigh’s head to spot the rest of the tiny dots in the white sink. At this point, Steve had already turned away, so he could head over to ask Luke about coffee. However, Leigh had turned at the same time and reached out for Steve’s hand. She had managed to wrap her slim fingers around his left wrist instead, but it had been enough for him to lift his head and meet her gaze. “What is it?” He asked, grey-blue meeting hers with a look of concern. Leigh slowly looked down to the tiny cut in the centre of Steve’s palm. The glass that had cut him was no longer there to cause him pain but the small slice it had made in his skin had been enough to cause a lasting impact.

“You’ve left a bit of a trail.” Leigh admitted, motioning to the sink behind her where little red dots speckled the white ceramic basin. Steve took a moment to admire the patterns the little dots were making as they travelled towards the plug slowly, leaving tiny red lines in their wake.

“Oh…” He blinked as Leigh let go of his wrist. The moment his eyes had lowered to see the tiny cut, a sudden stinging had started. It was like a papercut had been dipped in lemon juice then washed in salt, and Steve was trying his best not to complain about it. Behind him sat his younger brother on the sofa, with a large healing split across his brow bone, and here was Steve wanting to complain that he had scratched himself on the glass from the picture frame earlier. “I uh…” He hurried his brain for an excuse, not wanting to admit to the broken ornament upstairs before he had to. “I must have given myself a papercut earlier without thinking.” It was a poor excuse, and the look that had crossed Leigh’s face was enough that Steve knew he hadn't gotten away with it. However, his wife did not protest, she simply reached over and turned on the tap for him, letting the water cool down before she moved out of the way and took a folded white tea town off the drying board.  At some point during the exchange between husband and wife, the television had been turned on by Luke in the living room. Neither had noticed the faint sound of talking as Luke watched a rerun of an old movie on the Syfy network. It wasn’t something he was entirely paying attention to, but as he folded and unfolded a tiny scrap of paper from his pocket, it was nice to have the noise as company. Behind him, Leigh had given her husband a towel to dry off his hands after he had cleaned the blood up. Thankfully, it had been little enough to stop the moment he had put it under the tap, and Steve had been able to dry his hands without staining the once white dish towel.

The light from the television had been enough to catch Steve’s attention as he folded back up the dish towel and left it on the drying board with a couple of plates. By now, Leigh had turned back on the boiling water tap in the hopes that she could finally make that cup of green tea that had been on her mind since she had put Steve to bed hours ago. She left her husband to his own devices, and Steve walked over slowly to stand behind the back of the leather sofa where Luke had tucked himself. The large hoodie Luke was wearing had been enough to dwarf the youngest of the Crain children, despite his height and shape. He had always possessed such an ability, the ability to shrink ten sizes. He had done it when he had been sick as a child, on days where a bad flu or stomach bug had kept him indoors. Then as he had aged, he had tucked himself away in his room for reasons that his sisters had never learnt about. Eventually, Steve had stopped being allowed to know what was wrong, and he had become like the other members of the Crain family who hadn’t been Nell. However, now Steve was stood behind his brother, watching Luke turn the dirty paper over and over in his hands until the tiny square could fold no smaller.

“I thought you didn’t like horror movies?” Steve asked gently, nodding to the television. Luke lifted his head, scratching at a scab he had taken off his chin whilst shaving. When he his eyes reached the television, he briefly gazed at the colours on the screen before blinking. He hadn’t been aware of what he had turned on, but the sight of Alien was enough to make him pick up the remote beside him. The little shred of paper had been dropped from his fingers, and the channel had been changed with a fluid movement.

“I don’t.” He admitted quietly, looking at the television as he hit a couple of random numbers. The next thing he knew, a man with a poorly tanned face was motioning to a blender while a phone number ran along the bottom of the screen. The shopping network, at least that wouldn’t give him any surprises. “I uh…” His words lost themselves between their travels from mind to mouth, and Luke found himself sitting in silence. Leigh had turned off the tap in the kitchen, and the man on the television had moved on to talk to a poorly dressed woman about some earrings. It wasn’t the content he was interested in, but the noise was enough to keep Luke at bay as he forced a breath of air to pass between his lips, so he could think. “I was just looking.” A hand clamped lightly down on his shoulder and Luke turned his head to look up at Steve. There was that familiar smile. That safe smile. The smile that Shirley trusted, Theo laughed at, and Nell had run to. For a moment, Luke wasn’t a recovering addict, he was a man crashing with his brother for a month.

“It’s fine.” Steve promised, looking over his shoulder once before he took his hand away and gave Luke a little space.

“Coffee?” Leigh’s voice had broken through the silence between the two men, and Steve watched as colour rushed to Luke’s pale cheeks. He pushed himself up off the sofa and nodded gratefully. As Luke walked around the sofa and past his brother, Steve turned to reach for the remote. With a little stretch, Steve had managed to pick up the black remote, though his eyes had spotted the tiny square of paper that Luke had been folding. It lay, white in the centre of the brown leather. Of course, his curiosity and concern had gotten the better of him.  Behind him, Steve could hear Luke joking about it being the first good cup of coffee since the hospital, but Steve was too focused on his find. The television remained on, and Steve took the paper in hand and unfolded it. He had been about to call Luke to tell him that he had left the paper, then Steve had spotted the markings on the paper. It was old, stained, and crumpled, but the writing was still legible. Ten little digits written in blue pen, finished with a period.

 


	3. Conclusions

There had only been a few moments in Steve’s life where he had felt his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. He could count them on one hand, and he remembered them as if he had written them down and hung them on the wall.

The first time, he had been six years old. He had only just gotten used to be a brother to Shirley, and his father had promised him a bed in the shape of a race car in time for Theo being born. However, when he had walked into the room and seen the old wooden frame of a normal single bed, utter disappointment had run through his body. Of course, the other times he had lost trust in people had been a little more poignant, but that had always stuck with him. The day his father had truly broken his first promise.

He had felt the same after a high school sweetheart had cheated on him, and then once more when they had driven away from Hill House that night. Now Steven Crain had another moment to add to his list. The moment he had known the truth about his brother.

The paper was old, folded, and stained. There was a small brown mark that he assumed to be a drop of blood in the corner, but for the most part the paper had been kept intact. It had been ripped off the corner of a lined notebook, he assumed, though whatever happened to the rest of the page was a mystery to him. Either way, Steve was not going to lose this, but he was also not going to give it back to his brother. As the paper scrunched back into his hand, he heard his wife call him over. There was laughter coming from his kitchen, and Steve was faintly aware that he had not heard laughter in his house for nearly a year. When he turned around, the feeling of anger and hurt had fallen to the side and Steve watched his brother nursing a mug with two hands as he managed a tiny sad smile. It could barely be called a smile, but it was enough for Steve to know Luke was thinking about something happy. He was talking about Nell, explaining how Nell had once convinced him to climb onto the counter in their kitchen at their Aunt Janet’s. Steve had never told Leigh the story. The story of how he had walked into the kitchen to see Luke balancing on the bread bin, so he could reach the cookie jar. How Nell was standing right behind him on the floor, making sure he didn’t fall off the counter top. Steve had only been young, and it had been the height of summer, so he had simply waited. Waited for Luke to grab the jar, then waited for the boy to climb down. Luke had slipped off the curved white bread bin, and Steve had run in to grab him. He had barely managed to get his brother, but he had stopped Luke from falling right off the counter. Nell had caught the glass jar of handmade cookies, and Steve had caught his brother. Steve remembered it well, the way he had looked at Luke and thought his brother might be about to cry. How Luke had turned to see the grin on Nell’s face as she cradled the cookie jar in victory. He had put Luke down on his feet and just watched as his sister had opened the jar and handed him a cookie. Of course, he had accepted but he had still stared in confusion. Nell had been so calm and happy about the whole thing, and she had handed him the cookie as if it were a gift.

 

In the kitchen, Luke was finishing his quiet story. Steve hadn’t walked over yet, and when Luke glanced over, he could see the look of blank thought in Steve’s eyes. So, he let his brother be and turned back to Nell, still rather quiet as he spoke. There wasn’t a lot of emotion in his voice, but the fact that he was talking was enough to prove that he was getting better.

“.... She told him it was for his service as a knight. That we had to -”

“Take the rest of the gold to the dragon.” When the voice of his eldest brother had finished his sentence, Luke looked up. Steve had pulled himself out of his trance and was wearing a tiny smile. The smile they all held for their youngest sister. Leigh was watching the pair of them, quietly sipping at her green tea, though she didn’t say a word. There were times when the two men needed to be brothers for just a minute, and this was one of them.

With her quietness, she had taken to looking at her husband. Steve was a quiet man, but he was by no means shy. Occasionally he would put on those God-awful round framed glasses and Leigh would find herself wondering just how the man she met after college had become forty going on sixty. Though she loved him with every fibre of her being, and maybe that was why it had hurt so much to forgive him. To let him apologise for the vasectomy, and to let him back into her life. However, they were past that, and for Luke’s sake she had put it in the water under the bridge. To let it leave her life and collect further downstream where one day she would deal with it. By now the two brothers had finished their walk down memory lane, and Luke had returned to his coffee. It was clear that Steve wasn’t all too comfortable in the moment, so Leigh had placed down her own mug.

“So, what’s next Luke?” Her voice was light, jovial, as if they weren’t having a conversation at two in the morning. Steve had already visibly relaxed a little, but she could still tell that he was holding something in the fist at his side. Leigh chose to ignore it, and simply turned to give Luke a smile. Luke gave a small shrug. When one had the world at their figure tips, it was hard to know where to start. He needed to stay clean, and he needed to keep up with a doctor. Those had been the only two goals he had given himself. So, when Leigh had asked the question, he hadn’t quite known what to say. He could feel Steve’s eyes on him, though he didn’t question what his brother was thinking.

“I uh…” With a dry throat, he tried to swallow past the words that had been bubbling up, the excuses he had been about to give. The excuses that his counsellor had warned him against when he had been on his last few days in hospital. It was okay to be unsure, she had told him. It was okay to be scared, if you knew it was okay. It was okay. With a small breath in, Luke let himself thinking about the answer. To Luke, the seconds of thought felt like a lifetime of planning. Finally, he shook his head and tucked his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. “I don’t know.” And just like that, the words were out in the open. The admission of not knowing was a hard thing, but once it was done the plaster had been ripped off and the wound was there for the world to see.

He hadn’t expected a smile in return but that was exactly what Leigh had given him as Steve walked over to begin putting the clean plates on the drying board away. Luke had never noticed how motherly Leigh seemed. Though her and Steve had no children of their own, Luke felt almost like a son coming home to a mother who would love him unconditionally, all because of one smile. When she gave him a nod and picked up her tea again, Luke found himself almost smiling back. The corners of his cracked lips turned up a little and a tiny unsure smile crossed his face for but a second.

“Well, I know a few girls from work who swear by a painting class on Thursday nights.” Just like that, Leigh was talking again, as if Luke hadn’t just admitted that his world was eggshells right now. As if it weren’t the massive problem that his mind was making it out to be. Leigh had started to lift a weight off his shoulders that had been there since he had handed over his first roll of notes to a man on a street corner. “So, if you want to go to that, I’m sure I could get the address.” Leigh turned to pour the end of her tea down the sink as she continued talking, Steve occasionally moving around her to put plates away. His hand was still closed around something, but whatever it was she was sure he would talk to her if it were truly important. “I swear they’ve said something about it being in that little bookshop around the other side of the park.” Luke hadn’t even accepted the offer, but Leigh was still going on about it happily. “Either way, I’ll look into it tomorrow.” Her eyes spotted the clock on the wall above Luke’s head, and she found herself sighing. Nearly three in the morning. In four hours, she would need to be up and getting ready to leave for work. Quietly, she caught her husband’s arm as he walked past her to the sink. “I’m going to head up to bed. I need to sleep even if it’s just for a few hours.” Steve pressed a gentle kiss to her head for a moment.

“I’ll be up shortly.” Leigh just nodded in reply but mumbled something about taking his time. When she had left the kitchen, Steve felt his stomach pulse again. There it was, the pain whenever he looked at Luke. Why would his brother have reason to hide a phone number? Maybe he was over thinking and knowing Steve he probably was. The only thing was, that Steve didn’t have a reason to believe otherwise. He had been burnt so many times by the brother he adored, that Steve had always learnt to keep a little distance between them. Clearly, Luke had sensed something, because the young man had already placed down his mug. Luke felt a shiver ran up the back of him, and suddenly he found himself cold to the bone.

“I should head up too. Leigh already set up the guest room for me.” A small nod passed between them both before Luke headed upstairs. Steve had wanted to say goodnight, he had wanted to wish his little brother a pleasant dream, but he also couldn’t. There was something ticking over in his mind that just wanted Luke to explain that he was wrong.

 

The short walk up to his bedroom had given Steve enough time for him to get over himself. Clearly, a piece of paper had no link to anything unless he knew who it belonged to. It didn’t matter in what state Steve had found it, it might have been Luke’s therapist for all he knew. The upstairs of the house was silent, and Steve could only assume that his brother had gotten himself into bed and closed his eyes. So, Steve took himself to his own room and placed the little crumpled ball of paper on the dresser where he kept his clothes for the day. Leigh was in their en-suite bathroom, taking off her make-up, a step that she hadn’t managed in the commotion that had been the arrival of Luke. So, Steve walked in and stood beside her at the sink, so he could wet a toothbrush. For a little while there was nothing but silence between them, and Steve watched his wife wipe cleanser off her face before she began to apply night cream. It was as she opened the little glass jar that Steve spat into the sink and began to wash away the toothpaste.

“Luke left a piece of paper on the sofa.” He mumbled, beginning to brush his bottom set of teeth. Leigh lowered her hands in confusion and looked at her husband’s reflection.

“Did you give it back to him?”

“It had a phone number on it.” Silence echoed once again between the pair of them and Leigh was slowly realising what Steve was hinting at. While she loved her husband, she wasn’t one to let him get caught up in the imagination that came with being an author. So, she repeated herself.

“Did you give it back to him.” Steve didn’t answer this time, he just finished brushing his teeth and spat one final time into the sink. By then Leigh had turned to look at her husband and long forgotten the cream on her fingertips. “Steve do not start this. If you’re thinking what I think you are, you need to talk to him. Hiding away never gave anyone any favours.” Of course, Leigh was right, but Steve didn’t want to think about that as he rinsed out his toothbrush. He felt a second wave of guilt wash over him. This time though it was because he knew so badly that he had thought the worst of his little brother.

“I’m getting ahead of myself. He probably doesn’t need it.” Leigh returned to her cream and sighed as she began to place little dots across the top of her cheeks.

“Yes, well he’s doing well Steve. He’s ninety days, do no break this by losing trust in him. He needs you more than any of them and you know he does.” The words sank into Steve’s heart like etchings on a stone. There was a reason he had married his wife, and this was it. So, he nodded and kissed her cheek before putting his toothbrush back in the little cup by the faucet.

“I’m going to say a quick goodnight and check he’s okay.” Leigh hummed in answer before letting Steve leave the bathroom.

 

It was a short walk down toward the guest room, but Steve’s feet felt heavy with the assumption he had previously made. Of course, he had no reason to suspect that it was a dealer or a contact on the other end of that phone number, in fact Luke had showed no signs of withdrawal in a long time. The door to the guest room was ajar, and Steve pushed it open a little. Inside, Luke was still in his hoodie, under his duvet, with a blanket over the top. The young man was still shaking, and Steve couldn’t help himself when he walked over and felt Luke’s forehead. Warm to the touch. Steve closed his eyes and let out a long sigh as he watched his brother shake in his sleep. He was clearly cold, but he felt as though he was on fire.

“Get some rest, little man. I’m sorry.” Steve whispered, shaking his head as he walked out of the room slowly, shutting the door behind himself with a click.


	4. A New Beginning

One month. One month was all they had to make it through, then Steve would watch Shirley drive away with their youngest brother, and Luke would be in a whole different state. Initially he had wanted the time to fly by, however now he was watching Luke sit on the couch in his living room. The young man had tidied up and shaved the last few hairs on his chin he had missed the night before, and in his freshly showered state he looked like a whole new person. 

Despite the time they had all fallen asleep, the house had awoken by nine in the morning. Surprisingly, as Steve had stumbled down the stairs at quarter to, he had heard his wife’s laughter. Leigh was standing at the kitchen counter, a mug of green tea nursed in her hands while Luke finished a bowl of cornflakes in front of the television. It was an oddly peaceful picture to see, his brother and wife talking about the new Italian restaurant that had opened on the main street in the centre of town. The television was quietly playing the morning news, though Steve couldn’t hear the words as he stood at the base of his stairs, he could see videos of the forest fires that had been taking California by storm for the past week. They needed rain but by the looks of things the only thing they would be getting was more sunshine and dry soil. 

Despite the weather, Steve would be indoors all day. The ideas he had been keeping locked in his head would eventually need to be put into words on paper. There was only so long that he could keep explaining story lines to his agent without bringing in the chapters to show the proof.  However, by the looks of things Steve would be the only one staying in. 

“You planning to join us at any point?” The sudden voice of his wife had pulled Steve back to reality. Leigh was looked across at him from where she was stood at the counter, her blonde hair loosely tied up in a bun. She was still in the white cotton dressing gown, embroidered with her initials, a gift Steve had bought her for her thirtieth birthday. It was something he loved so dearly, mostly because it sat perfectly just above her knees and wasn’t quite opaque. However, right now his wife was talking to him and he had simply been focusing on the gold stitching of letters on her dressing gown. His sense of reality had only returned when he heard the clink of her mug on his marble countertop. Suddenly he had two eyes staring at him. The sound of the television fazed back in, he blinked and focused on Leigh. She was still talking.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, only to receive a heavy sigh in reply. Leigh would give him the benefit of the doubt this morning, only before he had been up for half of the night. She gave him the smallest of smiles before nodding over to the counter with a tilt of her head. 

“There’s coffee in the pot.” Thankful, he nodded once more and gave his wife a look that said more than his words could say. In times of need she would be there, and she had been there from day one. She had been there on the nights he had spent asleep by Luke’s hospital bed, the nights that Steve had only slept due to the exhaustion. She knew him, and it was perfect. His slow movements dragged him over to the warmth that could wake him up at this early hour, and though it felt like it took an hour just to reach the kitchen counter, Steve had made it there in three small steps. Leigh’s eyes never left her husband as he travelled across the kitchen floor. She felt sorry for him, but of course she couldn’t say that. Especially not right now, and not with Luke here. So, she put on a brave face and she reached for her mug of green tea once more. “Luke and I were just talking about lunch out.” Steve managed to hum in understanding, though it was clear to Leigh that her husband hadn’t heard past the first word. She placed her mug of tea down gently and sighed. It was no use. “We’ll bring you something back.” Luke looked over his shoulder, a little concerned as to why his brother was so quiet. Around Luke’s shoulders he had pulled a heavy faux fur throw to keep out the chill. Outside the sun heated the sidewalks and the shadows were the only shade one might find to cool off - yet here Luke was wrapped in a blanket. He was very aware that Steve’s eyes were on him, but this morning the internal chill ran deeper than just his veins. The clouded judgement had returned to his mind, and each day it was becoming harder and harder to truly smile. The truth about Nelle had only truly sunken in last night. He had seen the family picture in the spare bedroom, and he had felt the chills up his spine. That warmth within him was gone. That smile only Nellie could give him would never return. But most of all, the part that scared him more than anything, Luke would never again be reminded what it was like to know a person as if they were a part of yourself. He would never feel his sister’s pain, and he would never feel her happiness. She was gone. This time she had managed to do the one thing she had spoken about since the death of her husband. Luke had cried himself to sleep the night before, he had lain in bed under a pile of blankets - anything. He had just wanted anything to hold him like his mother would. The weight had been a comfort, and it had stopped the tears eventually when he had fallen asleep. However, the shaking had not stopped, it would not. Losing Nelle had been like losing your personality. It had been enough that Luke would have gone through a bad come down three times over before he would wish for this again. 

However, right now his sister in law and his elder brother were both looking at him. They were expecting an answer to a question Luke had not heard. The young man wanted to ask them to repeat whatever they had said, the words were running through his mind, but getting them out of his mouth was like trying to use a fork to smash through a brick wall. Though he had taken his medication this morning, 100mg of Zoloft once a day - just as the doctor had told him. His therapist had told him to get the medication, and by the grace of whatever god was out there, Luke had afforded an appointment and the pills were now sat by the desk of the bed he had claimed as his own for the month. Only four had been taken, though with each morning he woke up without the urge to sit up or eat. It had only been four days and though the doctor had told him he would have to wait two weeks before seeing an effect, Luke was already close to flushing the rest of them. He closed his eyes and placed the now empty bowl on the coffee table in front of him before pulled at the edges of the throw around his shoulders. Maybe if he closed his eyes, he might be able to see the half of him that he did not want to live without. Her face was pale, and tears stained her hollow cheeks, but she was there. Standing in front of him with a smile and a tilted nod of her head. Nellie Crain was every bit as perfect as Luke remembered her being, and she was stood in front of him. The television continued in the background, and Luke felt his grip loosen on the blanket. A white nightgown and hair across her shoulders, but even with bare feet and a teary smile, Luke still wanted to reach out and hold her. Anything. Anything just to have his sister back in his life.

“ _Luke?_ ” Her voice was just the same as it had always been, soft and friendly. A warmth in the cold night, and the only way to stop him shivering in the cold of his own blood. “ _Luke, are you okay?_ ” Luke reached out to take Nelle’s hand. His heart stopped when the fingers closed around his. This was a bad trip - it had to be. “ _Luke?_ ” Again, the voice echoed in his ears and he felt silent tears prick in his eyes. His hand was shaking. With tears blurring his vision, his closed his eyes and used his left hand to wipe away the salty water obscuring his vision. With the tears gone, he opened his eyes to see a smiling face looking back at him. Leigh was holding his hand, kneeling in front of him. Suddenly the warmth of the hand he had thought to be Nelle’s, felt cold. Luke dropped his hand from Leigh’s as he stared, vacant look and wide empty eyes. Leigh swallowed back her pride and let Luke’s hand go with ease. She sighed, looking up at Steve before pushing off her knees to stand. Luke hadn’t said a word; despite how many times Leigh had said his name. It was half past nine and Leigh needed to shower, so she accepted the nod from a sad looking Steve and left the living room.  There was only so much you could do for one person and Leigh Crain had found her limit this morning. Luke wouldn’t hear reason when he was in a state like this, and she didn’t blame him - if she had just lost a twin, she expected that it would have been quite the same. So, she took no offence as she made her way up the stairs towards her bathroom. 

Steve just turned his attention to Luke. the young man had aged beyond his years. His eyes belonged to a man who had seen far more of the world that any young and middle-class man would do by his age. One had to pity Luke Crain, though Steve also knew that he needed tough love. His brother was still shaking, the blanket wrapped around him, the same shaking he had watched the night before while his brother slept. _No_. Right now was not the time to judge. Right now, was the time to be an older brother, so when Steve approached his little brother, he perched himself on the arm of the couch. 

“I’ll get a shower and come with you for lunch.” Luke only nodded absently, his eyes not yet focusing on the world. However, Steve just continued. “Even get gelato.” He reached out a hand to rest on Luke’s shoulder to finally gain a response. Luke lifted his eyes and looked at his brother, this time he was listening. “Gelato?” Steve repeated, patting his brother on the shoulder. For a moment, Luke’s sunken and sad eyes flashed with a slight happiness as he managed a smile for a second before nodding. Steve took it as a small victory in a world of defeats, so he stood up and helped Luke to his feet. “They do mint choc chip too.” Steve added, testing the waters as he smiled and began to lead Luke up the stairs. It had worked at that point, and even Luke had left his throw on the couch and walked towards the staircase with a small smile.

“Always was my favourite.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my first ever pieces, I would love any and all reviews and comments you can spare! Happy reading! It's a slow burner but I hope you like it!  
> A.P.Eart


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